You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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