I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
