Did you just see the Batmobile???
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I have so many feelings about this burrito
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
