well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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