I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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