I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
