used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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