the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
