Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
