If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
