That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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