she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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