There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
