Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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