the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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