oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
