She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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