bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
