i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
