i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
