she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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