A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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