This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
