don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
