he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
