who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
