So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
