there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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