If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
