So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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