You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
