I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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