I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
