Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
