I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
