Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
