"it" just moved
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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