I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
