The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
