And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So vagazzling was a success
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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