I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
