Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
