Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
