dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
