you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
