threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
organizing the empties. That sober.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Randomize
