I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
