it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
