3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
