you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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