Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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