Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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