I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
