I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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